First off, oh Avery. Why won't you sleep?? She's actually doing much better at night. We've been trying to let her fuss a little when we lay her down. (We still rock her although I know we shouldn't). But we've been letting her fuss for 5 minutes before going back in. After a few nights of really not much crying, she seems to be going down better. She's still waking in the MOTN, but a bit later - around 3 or so. I've been trying not to feed her though and she's been going back to sleep until between 4:30 and 5. I'll take it. But the naps! UGH. She's a cat-napper! She just won't sleep for long in her crib. I know they struggle w/ her at daycare and I feel so bad that she's sort of high-maintenance. But that led to stressful event #72 for the week. I was talking to her teacher about how she'd finally had a couple decent naps in her crib. And then she told me why. She put her down on her belly. On. Her. Belly. I was so upset. I tend to react slowly, especially with stuff like that because I never want to upset other people w/ my reaction. I don't like to question or second-guess people. I feel bad. But when it comes to my child, my most precious things in the world, I have to speak up. I told her no, she could never do that. But that's all I could muster out right then. I tried to blow it off. But by the time I got down to Carson's room, I felt like I was either going to cry or throw up. I mean, there's a reason the "Back to Sleep" campaign was started decades ago! There's a reason the # of baby deaths decreased after that. There's a reason the State and the American Academy of Pediatrics tell you to only put babies down sleeping on their backs. I know that they would never do anything intentionally to harm her. I know that. And I know that they love her and she gets very good care. But man, that shook me. By the time I got to my car, I was bawling. I mean, thank God she was ok. That's all I kept thinking. I know that many parents put their babies down on their tummies and many babies are ok. But I just feel very strongly about that one. And it really upset me in light of a discussion just the week previous where I made sure they put her down on her back (since I saw another on her belly - she had rolled). She said they did. And of course, if she rolls that way on her own, fine. Freaked me out the first time Carson did. I remember I was in a panic when I walked in and saw him on his tummy, face down. But he was fine. At at that point though, he could roll easily both ways. She's just starting to roll and does not do it consistently at all. Even if she could, I would never lay her down that way. Always back. I just keep thinking that she could've suffocated. I just can't think about it. Anyway, I kind of felt like a jackass for saying something to them (I talked again to the teacher and asst. director), but like I said, that upset me for sure. She said she totally understood and apologized and promised she'd never do it again. And I'm not trying to bash her at all - she's very nice and I really like her. I know she cares for Avery so much. But that shouldn't have happened in my opinion so I just had to say something. I just hate upsetting people. :( I began to question if I was just overreacting, but it seems pretty unanimous amongst my mommy friends. I guess regardless of what others think, that's something I feel strongly about, and I'm the mommy. :)
So that happened at the end of a long and stressful week and I just felt like I literally was going to break. Do you ever just feel that you can't take anymore? Things individually may not be a huge deal, but everything on top of each other just sometimes feels unbearable. It's getting better though.
So, on to the big changes. I've accepted a new position at work. Eek! It was SUCH a hard decision. I literally made myself sick over it. Back and forth, back and forth. I struggled a lot because overall I really like what I do. I like crunching numbers. :) I like the people. And I feel like I've worked so hard to get to the position I'm in. How do I just give that up? But - I just don't feel like I have enough of a balance for this point in my life. After talking about it to death w/ Lucas, I decided that I need to make a change. After I made my decision, I felt such a sense of relief! There's always the worry of going from something you know to something you don't. I just don't want to suck at it and let anyone down. :) But I'm looking forward to the new challenge! It's at the same company, so no changes there. And it's a great group of people too! I just think/hope it can offer a bit more of a balance while still being a challenging job. My babies/family have always been #1 in my life, but I don't think they've known that and I do think I've often put work first at times. I just think this new position will allow me to put them first officially. I just don't want to regret anything else or miss out on anything else while they're growing up. Change is scary, but I'm looking forward to it!
So like I said, the week's getting better. :) AND, daycare has reported that Miss Avery is napping better too! Knock on wood, but she's taken solid naps, in her crib, for the past 2 days. Woo hoo Avery!
| Miss April sent me this yesterday! :) |
