Emma Lynn Bland - 1/24/04 - 5/17/11

Yesterday morning, we said goodbye to our Emma. She truly was the heart of our family. She was our daughter. Our first baby. I honestly don't know what we're going to do without her. We miss her so much already. I always knew, but now we're really realizing, how absolutely intertwined in our lives she was. Every routine involved her. I can't even explain the hole that we feel in our hearts. It physically hurts. People have asked how we're doing and I don't know what else to say besides we're just so sad. My stomach just hurts all the time. And my eyes burn from crying so much. It's hard to be in this house with reminders everywhere. Everywhere I look, I expect to see her. Every room I go in, I expect her to follow me. It's unbelievable. I just can't believe that she's gone.

Dr. Johnson thankfully came to the house and we were able to say goodbye in comfort. I just can't imagine taking her to some office, in some exam room. She was lying in my lap, on her pillow, with her favorite stuffed animals. We petted her and talked to her as she drifted off to sleep. They were so gentle and respectful with her. They went outside and gave us a few minutes alone with her. Dr. Johnson cried with us. He's been her doctor since she was a puppy.

We picked up all of her stuff and took it downstairs. We just don't have it in us to go through it all right now. It's still so weird looking around the house and not seeing her toys everywhere. Our tiny living room seems way too big all of a sudden. I kind of lost it when I went into our bedroom. Her stairs were still there and all I could picture was her lying in bed, waiting for her treat. I think going to bed last night and getting up this morning were some of the hardest moments so far. Like I said, routines will be hardest.

Carson has asked for her. When we got home last night, he didn't say anything at first, but then he ran to the screen door, pressed his face against and yelled, "EMMA!" We knew he would look for her, but ugh......that about killed us. Then this morning, as he had his banana, I heard him yell out for her. "Emma! Emma!" They shared their banana every morning.....

I know I should focus on the fact that she's in a better place. And that she had a good life, overall. She made us so happy. I really am so thankful that she's not in any pain or discomfort anymore. It made me sick to my stomach to think that she could be suffering. I'm hopeful that we made our decision before it got to that. Dr. Johnson agreed that it was time. He said we'd started to hit the wall but had not gone past, so I guess that's all we can ask for. He said she looked very tired. Our poor baby. It just happened so fast. We started to see signs that she just wasn't herself on Friday. Just little subtle things at first. Just a couple of those things that Dr. Schmit told us to look out for. We called first thing Monday morning to tell them it was time. I just can't believe that it was only 2 weeks. We were able to have some good moments together this weekend. And I'm thankful that I took a couple of days off last week so we could spend some time together. I think she was very tired, but hopefully not in any pain. We took a short walk together Tuesday morning, just down the street. And had lots of biscuits. Then we said goodbye.

Emma's first day at home
And her last.......
Rest in peace baby girl.