Emma

I changed the title of our blog....until now I've focused on the newest member of the Bland family - Mr. C. But now we need to focus on the heart of the family, our beloved Emma. Anyone who knows us knows that Emma is our first "baby". She is so much more than "just a dog" to us and I shudder when people say that. They just won't ever understand. I know that some people think that we're crazy for the way we dote on her and how we talk about her (like she's a person). But I don't really care what people think. And there are some people who probably do get it. But she's our heart and we simply adore her.

Emma will be seven in January. She's had problems on and off with her hips. She got diagnosed with hip dysplasia last summer and we did a round of shots to rebuild cartilage. She did better for a bit. She basically had good days and not so good days. Then, late this spring, it got pretty dramatically worse. We tried all kinds of medicines, foods, etc. Ran x-rays, tests. Our vet said that there really was no change from her x-rays last year, and not a dramatic change from those when she was a puppy. Certainly nothing to explain her symptoms. At times, she has been unable to stand or walk. She walks with a noticeable limp and at times, won't put any weight down at all on her rear left leg. Our vet tried everything that he knew and then referred us to U of I. He told us that we may be looking at a full hip replacement. We were of course nervous about the cost and the recovery for her, but we planned on getting a loan or whatever it took to get her feeling better. We couldn't watch her be in pain. So, our appointment was last Wednesday - October 27th.

We arrived at U of I. We chatted with the parents of some other goldens in the waiting room. There were a couple dogs there that had ACL surgery and a few that had cancer. My heart went out to them as they teared up in the waiting room. Lucas and I actually discussed at lunch that day how sad it was and how lucky we were to be there only for a surgical consult. We got called back for the exam and the surgeon fairly quickly told us that she suspected a torn cruciate ligament in her rear left knee and a possible tear in her right. No wonder she couldn't walk at times! We felt relieved to have an answer. We left for lunch as they did x-rays to confirm. We got a call about a half hour before our appointment. It was the vet asking us if they could run some additional tests on Emma. As she was under sedation, they performed a more in-depth physical exam. They found a few swollen lymph nodes. She said that it could be due to her allergies, but she wanted to rule out lymphoma. I grabbed Lucas' arm at hearing that but quickly erased it from my mind. We'd just had blood tests run on Emma in September to rule out illness. (She's lost almost 15 lbs. in 3 mos without much of a change in diet). They came back normal. Nothing to worry about.

We got back to U of I and waited and waited. Finally, she called us back in the room and told us that Emma did, in fact, have a torn CCL (cranial cruciate ligament) in the left and partially torn CCL in her right leg. And....."unfortunately, we ran some additional tests and it is lymphoma". I instantly burst into tears. Lucas looked as if someone had punched him. I tried to listen to her go on and on as I cried. All I really focused on was "no cure" and "one to two months". I just couldn't believe it. We thought our biggest worry was how we were going to pay for surgery. I never in a million years would've guessed she was sick. And ONE MONTH left?? How is that even possible? The oncologist came in to talk to us after that. She explained that we would've started to see signs within the next week or so. Unbelievable.

We spent the next couple (very long) hours discussing treatment options, response rates and survival estimates. Lymphoma is a systemic cancer so it affects everywhere all at once. Surgery is not an option. But it is also one that responds well to treatment. It's just not long-term. She also went through the two types of lymphoma - B-cell and T-cell. B-cell is most common and has a higher chemo response rate and greater survival times. We discussed if chemo is even a fair choice for her, especially with her legs. She assured us that dogs can maintain a normal and happy quality of life with chemotherapy. It doesn't affect them like it does humans. There are minimal side affects. But, as shocked as we were, we still recognize(d) that her happiness and how she felt was most important. I would never want to keep her around if she was in pain. As much as I want to have her here forever, I wouldn't want to be that selfish. She reassured us and gave Emma a "chemo-bandaid" shot to buy us a few days to discuss options.

Needless to say, we went home in shock and in tears. I know some people will think we're being overly dramatic or whatever, but again, I really don't care what anyone thinks. :-) She's our baby. She loves us unconditionally. And we love her. I honestly feel like part of my heart is broken. Today is the first day that I haven't cried.....and I'm on my way as I type this. And I know that I'm being overly detailed here, but don't want to forget anything later......

Thursday afternoon, we got got the call with the results of the B vs. T-cell test. She has T-cell. I guess we shouldn't have been surprised. But I still was. It's considered a "negative prognostic factor". And it dropped her "median survival time" from 6-9 mos. to 4-6. I thought I'd have six more YEARS with her, not six MONTHS. I still can't believe it.

I'm trying to suck it up and accept it. We want to make the most of the time we have left with her. But every time I think about it, or think that this is the last "something" (i.e. Halloween) or every time I see Carson go up and give her the biggest hug......I just can't help but tear up. Again, she's just so NOT "just a dog" to us. I wanted so badly for Carson to grow up with her. But we're going to do everything we can to prolong a happy life for her. And I'm just going to have to remind myself that, rather that the "last" of something with her, we get "one more" something. Hopefully one more Christmas and one more birthday. :-)

This is terribly long and rambling.....I realize that. Bear with me. :-)

Anyway, we chose a chemo treatment that will be every 3 weeks for 5 total treatments. Hopefully it will induce remission, and hopefully that remission will last as long as possible. We'll take one day at a time.

Today was our first treatment. And Emma was very brave! The doctor said that she did very well today. She also reported that, despite her T-cell diagnosis, the chemo shot that she received last week had decreased her lymph nodes in size. So hopefully, she responds well to today's treatment. She shouldn't have too many side affects. If any, we'll see them around 3-5 days after treatment, so that will be this weekend. Fingers crossed that it's minimal. They will monitor her with blood-work 1 week after each treatment. Then they will also re-evaluate her lymph nodes, etc. at each treatment.

Last week after diagnosis

Today, after treatment. Still looking beautiful with her bandage! :-)