Carson Update

Let me see if I can catch up w/ everything Carson's been up to the last 5 months!  I MUST make this blog more of a priority so I can remember everything.  I guess first of all, I definitely have a little boy now.  He's so active and energetic.  He talks up a storm.  His daily report from daycare frequently is marked with "talkative".  :)  But he thankfully gets "happy" and "good listener" most days as well.  He repeats everything  though so we really need to watch what we say and what's on TV for sure.  I've found myself reminding Lucas quite a few times that we can hear him when he's on the phone.  :)  Thankfully, we've had no bad words repeated yet though.  We did, sadly, get "shut up" last week though.  I really was kind of surprised at that one because Lucas and I honestly do not say that to each other.  My only guess is that it came from the neighbors dogs who we all tell frequently to "shut up" or "be quiet".  We'll be sure to focus on the "be quiet" now.  Carson actually makes us laugh w/ the dogs because as soon as they go outside, they all start barking (3 beagles!).  So immediately, Carson scowls and shakes his finger and yells "no, no girls".  Pretty cute.  The finger wag is a new popular activity.  We learned that a little girl in his daycare class pointed and said "no" a lot, so he picked that up very quickly.  He's VERY particular about things.  Wonder where he gets that from......But anyway, he definitely likes things his way and even likes people to play with him a certain way.  So I hear "no, no Mommy"  (with the finger point/wag) a lot.  :)

Some other popular phrases:

 - "No, no mommy/daddy.  No fill-in the-blank (hug, kiss, sit, dance, sing - pretty much whatever you're doing that he doesn't like.  LOL). 
 - "Oh, thank you, mommy/daddy.  Welcome."  (He always says both thank you and (you're) welcome together).
- "Guys" - as in "Bye guys!".  This one is newer and it cracks me up for some reason.  He turns around and yells it to Lucas and I when he leaves the room.  And he says it to things in his book when he turns the pages.  :)
- "My need help".  He says "my" instead of "I".  This one's been around for a long time.  He's always quick to ask for help.  Makes me smile.
- "I luv you".  He can now say the full phrase instead of just "I love".  The best is when he asks for a kiss and hug and then says "I luv you".  :)
- "There you are!"  (instead of "there is is")
- "More pictures/gideo (video)"  One of his favorite activities lately is to look at pictures and videos (of himself) on my phone.  He laughs and laughs.
- "Bless you mommy/daddy" (if we sneeze) or "Excuse you mommy/daddy" (if we cough).

But anyway, he pretty much repeats everything.  It's fun now to ask him how his day was and he'll say that he played w/ "Maxi/Dash" (his two best buddies - Max and Dash).  They actually told us at his 2-yr. check up that his vocabulary was very advanced for his age.  I think I have to credit being around so many other little kids at daycare.  That and he's just super smart, right?  ;)

He started a new daycare class right after his birthday.  September 26th was his first day.  It's definitely been an adjustment.  Probably the most in this class so far (compared to his others).  For the first several weeks, he cried and cried when I dropped him off.  It just broke my heart.  That along with my working late at night, it was just heartbreaking that my only interaction with him each day was leaving him bawling and yelling for me.  Just too much.  And with all these hormones...I left crying more than once myself.  But thankfully, the last week or two have been much better and I think he's gotten used to the new routine.  The age range is 2 to 2 1/2 but in the early morning and late afternoon, they combine w/ the 2 1/2 to 3 year olds.  So, it's just a very loud and active room compared to the last one.  I think it was a bit overwhelming for both of us.  And I haven't gotten to know the new teachers yet, which bothers me, but I just hope that they're nice.  I'm sure they're fine - just hard getting used to new people.  They put the kids on the potty in this room.  They don't push it, but they at least put them on it to sit 3 times a day.  I'm hoping that will help once we start working with him at home.  We halfheartedly tried that first week and he did go a couple of times!  The first official potty at home was on September 27th!  We were so excited!  And then the following Friday (9/30), he pooed!!  We really haven't tried since then.  Work kicked up again and it's just been crazy.  We just haven't had time to work w/ the potty.  I'm hoping that we'll be able to make progress before the baby gets here in March.  We'll see.  :)

What else?  He jumps, kicks and throws balls, reads along with books, counts.  He's obsessed with colors (and has been for what seems like forever!).  He names colors everywhere he goes.  And repeats them almost obsessively until you repeat it as well.  He can wipe his own nose!  That one's pretty awesome.  Especially in the car.  :)  Guess that's the Carson update.  Will update with pics in another post.

Where to start....

Well, it's been five months since my last post.  So much for trying to keep up with it.  :)  Life's been pretty hectic since then.  We lost Emma in May.  I honestly think about her and miss her every single day.  Life still isn't anywhere near normal without her.  But it certainly is busy.  Work has been...well, kind of insane since May.  I'm hoping that November will bring some much needed down time.  I've been feeling very guilty lately about the time that work takes away from home and family.  But I guess that's a topic for another post.  :)  I'll just say that I'm beyond blessed to have such a wonderful and supportive husband.  And he's a wonderful Daddy.  We have a very active little two-year old now!  It's unbelievable how wonderful and amazing he is.  I think every day I love him more and more.  He's sweet and funny and kind of bossy and just pretty much all around awesome.  I thank God every day for blessing us with him and letting me be his mommy.  And on June 30th, we found out that another blessing is on its way! 

We waited until June to start trying so that, in case it happened right away, I wouldn't be due until after our busy year-end at work.  It took a while with Carson, so I fully expected to have it be at least a few months.  But wow - it happened right away!  We were overjoyed of course but just a bit overwhelmed that it happened so quickly.  :)  I'm finally feeling good with this pregnancy, aside from the lovely chest cold that I blame at least one of my guys for.  I was pretty sick in the beginning though.  The morning sickness (or morning, afternoon and evening sickness) started exactly at 6 weeks.  I think it finally subsided somewhere around 15 weeks.  It was worse than what I had with Carson, but it passed a little earlier. 

So, those are the highlights....where else to start?? 

New Swingset

We got Carson a new swingset a little while ago but haven't had the chance yet to get out and get it up. Well thanks to Daddy, here it is. Carson loves it.

No!

Actually more like "no-o". This cute little sing-songy no that gets more emphatic each time he says it. This is the new favorite word of the last 2 weeks or so. I should just be thankful that it just started now and not months ago. :)

Things I Love and Will Miss About Our Emma

I'm kind of copying from my friend Kristin, who lost her poor Charlie cat recently. :(

Lucas and I have been talking about all of the wonderful things about Emma, and I started to jot some of them down. Then I decided to make a list like Kristin has done. It's been kind of therapeutic. :)

- The way she woke me up every morning with a nudge and a kiss. (In the last several months, our routine has been up by 5:30 (she seemed to have an internal clock) and out to the kitchen for her meds (in cheese!). She'd go out to potty while I checked the news for weather. Then she went back to bed and I'd hop in the shower). Really hard to wake up alone and just go straight into the shower.....

- The way she waited outside my bathroom door w/ a Kong in her mouth for breakfast. I'd open the door after my shower and she'd get so excited. We'd always be afraid she'd wake up Carson. :) (She had to wait an hour between her medicine and breakfast. It was always so hard telling her no, it wasn't time yet).

- The way her tail thumped loudly against everything (see above re. waking up Carson).

- Our "five-minute belly rubs" every morning.

- Her kisses.

- Her excitement over biscuits.

- Her genuine love of green beans. (Dinner tonight was really hard......too many green beans left over).

- The way she ate everything that Carson dropped at dinner. She'd lay under the table just hoping for something.

- The way she greeted me when I got home (and everyone really) - always w/ a very vocal "hello", and always w/ something in her mouth. She'd grab whatever was closest to greet you. She had to go in between your legs and circle once, her entire body "wagging" back and forth.

- The smell of her feet (like Fritos).

- The way she could pick out her toys by name (piggy, froggy).

- Her absolute joy when hearing the word "walk" or when we'd grab her leash. We'd always have to spell out w-a-l-k so she wouldn't get too crazy before we were ready to go.

- The way she loved and accepted her little brother into the family.

- The way she loved her "vent" in the summer.

- The sound of her jewelry (collar & tags).

- Her beautiful eyes.

- Her smile.

- Playing "rolly-ball" with her.

- How she had a special bond w/ "piggy" and "froggy". (We had/still have several spares just in case one tore or the squeaker broke).

- The way she played ball with herself when she ate. (Before her legs hurt, we'd throw the ball down the hall for her between bites).

- The way I held her paw as we feel asleep on both her first night with us here and what we thought was our last night with us (Sunday). We had one more night with her. :)

- How she'd come running from anywhere in the house at the sound of a sliced cheese wrapper (or cheese stick).

- The way she understood what "night-night potty" meant.

- How, at the sound of the stick in the door and/or jingle of the biscuit container handle, she'd take off running down the hall, up her stairs, and onto the bed, waiting (and drooling) for her night-night biscuit.

- How she'd lay on me at night.

- How she'd follow us from room to room and cry if I closed a door without her in a room (like to study).

- How she'd lay in my tiny bathroom w/ me as I put on makeup and how she'd sit up and lean w/ her full body weight against me.

- How she'd fall asleep when we brushed her.

- How she was always just so good. She always listened, stayed in her yard, never ate what she wasn't supposed to, never tore anything up, loved everyone.....

- The way she protected me, especially once I got pregnant.

- The way she protected the house/all of us. I always felt very safe at night w/ her there. I know she'd hear anything.

- How she'd "orbit" when she was little and run all over the house.

- How she loved the big couch downstairs.

- How she was a good big sister and alerted us when Carson got sick in his crib.

- How she'd lay in the bathroom when we'd give Carson a bath.

- How beautiful and soft she was after "spa day" (and w/ bows!).

- How she'd let us dress her up for Halloween.

- How she only barked when she meant business.

- How she loved hot dogs!

- Her beautiful "whiteness" (white chest).

- Her amazingly silky soft ears.

- She was Carson's "Sissy" and our "Pumpkin Nunkin".

- The way she could find me anywhere in the house if I was crying, like she just knew. She'd crawl into my lap and shower me with kisses. She made everything better. Not sure what to do now that my tears are all for her......

- How she was the sweetest, smartest, most precious little girl in the entire world. We were so lucky to have been her parents. :)

Emma Lynn Bland - 1/24/04 - 5/17/11

Yesterday morning, we said goodbye to our Emma. She truly was the heart of our family. She was our daughter. Our first baby. I honestly don't know what we're going to do without her. We miss her so much already. I always knew, but now we're really realizing, how absolutely intertwined in our lives she was. Every routine involved her. I can't even explain the hole that we feel in our hearts. It physically hurts. People have asked how we're doing and I don't know what else to say besides we're just so sad. My stomach just hurts all the time. And my eyes burn from crying so much. It's hard to be in this house with reminders everywhere. Everywhere I look, I expect to see her. Every room I go in, I expect her to follow me. It's unbelievable. I just can't believe that she's gone.

Dr. Johnson thankfully came to the house and we were able to say goodbye in comfort. I just can't imagine taking her to some office, in some exam room. She was lying in my lap, on her pillow, with her favorite stuffed animals. We petted her and talked to her as she drifted off to sleep. They were so gentle and respectful with her. They went outside and gave us a few minutes alone with her. Dr. Johnson cried with us. He's been her doctor since she was a puppy.

We picked up all of her stuff and took it downstairs. We just don't have it in us to go through it all right now. It's still so weird looking around the house and not seeing her toys everywhere. Our tiny living room seems way too big all of a sudden. I kind of lost it when I went into our bedroom. Her stairs were still there and all I could picture was her lying in bed, waiting for her treat. I think going to bed last night and getting up this morning were some of the hardest moments so far. Like I said, routines will be hardest.

Carson has asked for her. When we got home last night, he didn't say anything at first, but then he ran to the screen door, pressed his face against and yelled, "EMMA!" We knew he would look for her, but ugh......that about killed us. Then this morning, as he had his banana, I heard him yell out for her. "Emma! Emma!" They shared their banana every morning.....

I know I should focus on the fact that she's in a better place. And that she had a good life, overall. She made us so happy. I really am so thankful that she's not in any pain or discomfort anymore. It made me sick to my stomach to think that she could be suffering. I'm hopeful that we made our decision before it got to that. Dr. Johnson agreed that it was time. He said we'd started to hit the wall but had not gone past, so I guess that's all we can ask for. He said she looked very tired. Our poor baby. It just happened so fast. We started to see signs that she just wasn't herself on Friday. Just little subtle things at first. Just a couple of those things that Dr. Schmit told us to look out for. We called first thing Monday morning to tell them it was time. I just can't believe that it was only 2 weeks. We were able to have some good moments together this weekend. And I'm thankful that I took a couple of days off last week so we could spend some time together. I think she was very tired, but hopefully not in any pain. We took a short walk together Tuesday morning, just down the street. And had lots of biscuits. Then we said goodbye.

Emma's first day at home
And her last.......
Rest in peace baby girl.

Swimming Lessons and Mother's Day

Carson had his first swimming lesson on 5/7/11. He was supposed to start the previous week but was running a fever from an ear infection and possible strep throat (Daddy had a horrible case of strep earlier in the week). The whole weekend ended up being all about Daddy for sure (not Lucas' fault). Carson wanted NOTHING to do with me and swimming lessons were no exception. It was fun to watch them together though. And that just let me take pictures, so it worked out.


I was hopeful for Mother's Day, but the mommy-boycott continued. Carson yelled at me every time I even made eye contact with him. I tried to pick him up a couple of times and he just screamed. I sat down on the couch next to him and he yelled "no" and climbed onto Lucas' lap. Needless to say, my overly sensitive butt dissolved in tears and remained that way on and off for a majority of the day. I know rationally not to take a toddler's mood to heart, but after 3 solid days, it hurt. I've definitely been in a dark funk since getting the news about Emma. All I kept thinking was that this is my last Mother's Day with one of my babies....and the other can't stand me.

We finally forced ourselves to get out of the house and went to the zoo. He FINALLY warmed up to me (I may have also bribed him with ice cream). By the time we got home, he wanted to read and color. Whew. Could've been a better day, but overall, I was just grateful to have both of my babies with me on Mother's Day. It's true when they say that you never know how much you can really love until you become a mother. I love being a mom.